the Stream Dream

The Stream Dream is a place I go in my mind.  Tonight it led me to the edge of a land, a forest.  There was a road and we were on it.  Such a simple thing we were doing.  We were taking a ride that day and decided to camp.  We spoke to those on the path.  They had bought an entire town to remake into a tiny house community.  It was one of those 'off the grid' places.  We even had our animals in tow.  Soon we realized we wanted to stay.  The view off of her terrace was stunning.  The trees were strange and green.  Something inside of me said I had to have this and as she and I walked and talked, I felt worse.  My insides hurt.  My head ached.  I was reminded of my physical limitations with every step.  I can understand the temptations of dreams.  They are our insides.  They are our loves and our life.  We want to make them true and "real".  As real as we can.  We want to bring our loves to fruition.  All of it blossoming forth when, a few minutes ago, it all seemed impossible.  I'm not writing that this is a dream.  This is what I want in my reality.  I straddle two worlds constantly.  Something's got to give.  Being beaten daily has me wanting to hand it all over and walk away.  Let us live a different life, my love.  He is, after all, beaten, too.  This existence really isn't for me.  Even those moments of spending time with others seem wrote.  They are the repetition in a different setting, each one the same from weddings to funerals.  Sorry, I have weeding to do.  And it is far more adventurous to possibly run into a snake in the grass than a snake at a wake.  Jus' sayin'.  I'm partly reminded of the remote hills.  I used to play on trees and in creek beds.  I used to listen to sounds of rushing water and wind.  Now I hear churning, spitting and grinding.  The hum of electricity pulsing through a machine.  A flash of light and it could all be done.  My life couldn't be more in contrast from what I desire to what it is.  There is enjoyment in quiet moments.  But I live two starkly different and distinctive inner and outer worlds.  A person could get torn apart.