the flower and the bee

One more time.  If I see you through the lens of murky dark haze.  We are both trapped in a basement maze of swirling machines and strange animal screams.  If I see you one more time, a look could tell you what I think.  What I think.  I'm seated on the earth, outside of that dungeon horror.  I'm seated on my earth chakra, ready to face my fear.  I love you.  I love you in a way that I'm able to free you.  My fear is rejection and exclusion.  To be told I'm unwanted, unloved.  I love you either way.  Though I'd prefer we were friends.  I'm moving forward through my being.  My pleasure, my guilt.  My water chakra tells me I'd like to flow but I am guilty of tempting too much fate.  I'd like to be even, like you.  I'd like to be seen as fair and just.  Someone you can trust.  I haven't earned it.  Can I relate what it's like to be an impulsive fool?  I don't think I can do the job properly.  I move on.  My fire chakra hungers for lack of sensate.  My will was broken because I know I don't deserve the love I crave.  But I do.  And what is "deserving"?  I'll never be enough.  Just me.  An orange glow under a blue haze.  Kind of like the moon last night.  My heart chakra pulses. Enflamed.  Rushing blood around.  Not the crazed, strung out Eros kind of love.  Just trying to let go of being sad.  Finding a friend.  My voice breaks in my throat.  Dying to ask what it is I could do to be normal around you.  Tell the truth.  No lies.  I just have to say, I'm selfish.  But I'm trying to be more than that.  I'm trying to think before I feel.  Think before I speak.  My insight light here at the center of my head tells me I need love.  Love of all forms.  I am not limited.  And lastly don't want to own you, just to set you free.  Free of prisons, swirling machines and underground toil.  I have to let you go.  There is no way for us.  I'll let you go.  You are free.  And I am still me.  Wants and fears all fade away.  I am happy to have known you all these years.  Sometimes a friend can seem far away in spirit.  Sometimes a friend can be from a lifetime ago and maybe not know all I want to say.  Sometimes a friend might seek me out.  If not in this lifetime, in the next.  Release.